The first of many letters to my child

Dear Baby,
I am so excited to meet you. Throughout this pregnancy you have been very reasonable with my requests. I wanted you to be conceived so that I would get the end of the school year off to spend time with you, you obliged. I didn't want to be sick all the time, throwing up in front of my students, you obliged. I only have a few more requests before you join this world and I start catering to your every demand.
1. Wherever you are positioned, could you move a little to the left? You seem to making mommy swell lopsidedly. Only my right foot and leg get swollen, and this makes me look really weird at the end of the day.
2. I am happy that you are in the right position to be born, however I would appreciate that you not use those precious little hands of yours as shovels creating what feels like you trying to dig your way out.
3. Again, I'm happy that you are head down, but until you are ready to come out for real, it's very painful for you to use your little legs to try and shove yourself down further into my crotch. I hope that those strong little legs come in handy for you some day, but right now, they make mommy cringe in pain.
4. All my other requests would be considered bub kiss if you granted just this one...come join us in this world before the end of spring break. Mommy really doesn't want to have to go back to work and deal with "He's touching me, no he's touching met" battles between 13 year olds while she's hauling around all the wonderful weight you've gained.
Love,
Mom